SERIOUSLY!! I GET it…NO ONE is ever ‘prepared’ to have kids, but fuck if you MAKE the choice under less than ideal circumstances that is your problem…SORRY.
1) the world is WAY over populated…..
-natural resources being depleted and fought over daily
-Government feels compelled to step in offering assistance to those that can NOT afford the children they bear
a) AWESOME the rest of us pay more taxes to make up for what you consider to be perhaps a ‘blessed gift’
b) this ‘blessed gift’ costs LOTS of us more in taxes for programs that support your ‘Well fuck It happens…decision’
c) then you carry on feeling ‘Hey look I have a baby’…I am now excused from anyone else’s time management as I coral 1-4 children…..gather sippy cups, back packs and shoes together, not to mention….not even knowing how to work your car seat.
Pull it together…..seriously….there are other people in the world. I GET YES…..children are a fabulous gift for many people….but for a GREAT many……they are a way of making their own life have purpose. I freaking read the status updates, the blogs, the non stop stories on the plane…….The pleading moms…..Um apple juice, please (frazzled and without sippy cups)
I think by now everyone knows how I feel about having my own children…..NO!!!!
If you DO have children…..be prepared…would you apply for a job you hadn’t researched?? YES…OK…I KNOW…..hands on experience takes time…and I am understanding, but YOU need to GET that you are oblivious and taking from those around you.
I was at the grocery store and this ridiculous….”HI, I have a baby in a big ass car fun shopping cart was taking up the ENTIRE aisle. I seemed to be patiently waiting……meanwhile….her husband noticed I was also trying to complete my shopping experience and SHE AND CHILD in the way…..he was softly moving her forward while she wooed over ‘I am a mom and baby is doing ‘whatever’
After he considerably and patiently moved her, she bitched at him saying I was looking for something and you are pushing me forward.
I wanted to say to her (and in defense to her polite husband)….He had the ability to notice their is a world beyond yourself and although you have a child OTHER people ALSO need to finish their grocery shopping…..so just move the fuck out of the way for 5 seconds b/c that is what it will take me against your…..I have a baby and I need everyone to think FOR ME now shopping skills.
I sort of forgot where I was going with this
Except that I also think that Invetro Twins, triplets etc…..are off setting what seems to be natural selection in ATTEMPTING to discontinue OVER population and draw more from the few resources we have left.
This Generation MULTIPLE Baby b/c we really probably shouldn’t have any in the first place, generation I HOPE will be REALLY good at bringing recycling our NOW natural resources….and perhaps they will be able to eat meals, like Pot Roast in Pill Form, like the Jetsons…..
Good Luck…..I won’t be here and I won’t be adding anything to this exponential outrage.
Ok………That is all

I’m in Rio…
I Have HIGH HOPES for Rio…..and Brazil, that they get their shit together before the Olympics.
This is my EXTREME Close Up to ONE of the ‘Favellas’…..infamous for gun shots……muggings, kidnapping, drugs, and other sorted excitement.
Sometimes I like to open my balcony door and listen to the waves……I am skipping that this trip and keeping curtains closed…..not that curtains are bullet proof. And not that I ‘REALLY’ think I will be hit by a stray bullet…..but…..I think I have taken enough chances in life 😉
Anywho……I am still glad I am here…..I had a nice dinner and flew with good people and NO drama…..so all good December….still a THUMBS UP….so far
a

Ok…..so REALLY I have had this issue with coffee makers ever since I left home and had my very own. I will start you with a bit of background: I USED to be VERY OCD…..being a A Virgo, and basically just being OCD, in general. Coffee Makers, especially bothered me…..and TO THIS DAY…..IDK……All through college, no matter my roommates, my deal was if you make coffee, please rinse everything out after you are finished. You may as well be speaking alien…..b/c people that ‘own’ coffee makers, and ‘brew’ coffee regularly have NO concept of this ridiculous cleaning and rinsing procedure. HONESTLY, after roughly 20 yrs, I realize this ONLY matters to me. I accept it, but it is still a mystery. You wash all your other dishes and cooking utensils, I am pretty sure……Generally it is the ‘Coffee Maker’ left to take on a new level of stain…..and uncertainty…..And within that discussion I HAVE to bring up— WHO the F**K buys WHITE coffee makers?? SERIOUSLY??!! Uh….coffee=dark stain…. look hideous, much like this sentence….especially if you are the 100% of coffee maker drip pot owner people, or whatever…….Uh …Just the MrCoffee types, k.I don’t really drink coffee, that much, if I do, I drink espresso…..just b/c I LOVE espresso….I LOVE STRONG coffee…..SUPER strong. Anyway, so I have an espresso machine, now….and no one uses it b/c they don’t know how, and they ‘think’ it’s complicated, but it’s NOT…..and it’s even EASIER to clean……But…..STILL I pass ole MrCoffee sitting there with day to week long old coffee staining his pot, and disfiguring the filter.Now that I have the Espresso machine I generally leave the MrCoffee to the User, but on occasions….an over achiever and feel bad for MrCoffee and clean him out, as well.More than anything…..I am wondering why am I the ONLY one that notices or even cares about this?

NO Soliciting

Posted: August 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

We used to have quite a few people soliciting around our neighborhood, so some guy had the brilliant idea of joining the solicitors by selling cheap ass stickers you can put on your door that says “NO SOLICITING”. Of course, since I was out-of-town and Mr. DragonFly is too nice, or just stupid….he bought one of the stickers. So instead of letting it go to waste I posted it on our door. Does this help the situation NO…of course not.
JUST now 2 idiots just knocked on my door and being drunk with the anticipation of my new Droid X being delivered I stupidly answered the door. First thing they said is they are not selling me anything they just want to tell me about a product they are offering….Um…same fucking thing douche bags. I told them I didn’t have time to learn about a new product and closed the door.
I am now going to be working on a NEW sign to post on my door:

DO NOT RING, OR KNOCK, ON MY DOOR UNLESS
1. You know me, my husband, or my 150lb Rottweiler
2. You are from a respectable deliver company delivering me something I ordered, or someone bought for me 🙂
3. You are letting me know that my house is on fire, or that I am in some other kind of danger, I wasn’t aware of
4. You are a new, FUN, neighbor that wants to get drunk
5. You are being chased by killers and need somewhere to hide…
— also…..#5 is only valid if the killers didn’t follow you to my house….if they did I will call 911, but I am NOT opening the door, sorry

I hope this note will clear up any misconceptions people MIGHT have about me having ANY interest whatsoever in talking to them about ANYTHING

Whole Foods Orientation

Posted: July 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

Ok…so I am COPYING THIS blog…..b/c it is FUCKING FUNNY AS HELL…..but credit goes to my friend, Phoebe— VERY CLEAR…not taking credit

Ok. So i started my new career at Whole Foods today. Say what you will, I know my hippie hunting license is probably going to get revoked etc. I had some fun breaking down my first day and thought i would share with you all. Cheers.

WHOLE FOODS ORIENTATION

DAY ONE
7:45 – 8:15 waiting for everyone else to show up. (hippies can’t be bothered with promptness, man)

8:15 – 11:30 touring the store (viewing hippies in their natural habitat, sizing up the snackage)

11:30 – 12:45 natural, organic lunch of up to 10 dollar value supplied by flagship (you are what you eat)

12:45 – 2:00 lessons about natural/organic foods, corporate welcome film, mission statements, safety standards etc. (hippie propaganda, brownie recipies, down with the man movies, can’t keep a good hippie down essays, what to do if your dreads get caught in a mixer etc.)

2:00 – 4:00 benefit package overview (secret handshakes, how to use patchouli instead of soap, how body odor can work for you workshop, ultimate frisbee team sign ups, advanced hacky sack class schedule)

4:00 – 4:45 standing around watching the trainer hippie try to work a xerox machine (killing trees)

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/phoebejasper/blog#ixzz0vE6sU3ZA

A resurrected writing, I came across—-

Things You Didn’t Know About Me & Didn’t Want To Know— That will be the title of my autobiography.
We’ll start at the beginning….Chapter 1: When I Was Little
1. When I was little….I used to try to leave the house in my nightgown b/c it was so beautiful surely people would think it was a dress.
2. I changed Hide & Seek to James Bond and when you found the person they were automatically killed.
3. I used to make my brother run around the backyard pretending to be my prized horse Black Beauty.
4. When my Mom and I would go to the store if we bought a bag of beans or rice I would carry it around like it was my baby.
5. I was to shy to say UNO so I would always lose.
That’s as far as I got

Do you ever question the food you order?? Maybe in your mind….but have you really actually questioned the food…..You never know there may be answers…..
Tonight I decided to question my Chicken Sandwich…Sam…..I asked for wheat bread and he was delivered on WHITE….already he has the look of shame. I tried to reassure him, but he oozed mayonnaise soaked tears….I suppose it didn’t help that before I decided to directly address the sandwich I ate his other half…..I didn’t catch her name, but her mayonnaise tears were shared.
So now left with just ‘Sam’…I wonder about his past b/c I have never questioned a sandwich. I asked him if he always thought of himself as a sandwich as a little ‘over looked lunchable’ perhaps…meant for better things.
Sam is @ a nice hotel brought to me by room service, but I can see how this also can be degrading because when they lift the top of the room service tray they turn and ask “Will This do?” as if it is a puppy that will be returned and shot if not good enough.
Of course, I accept ‘Ole Sam’ and then start looking at him inquisitively…It’s obvious he is miserable….I think he came that way before I ate the other half.
So I press on asking if he had hopes of his own…..did he see signs for ‘Relief Efforts’ and want to be a volunteer not thinking of himself, a loner, a rebel.
He won’t talk to my but the face of a sandwich says a 1,000 words and all of them insinuate a shrugging of the shoulders and the return question…Why am I HERE?!
Sam…..I don’t know why you are or why I am even here so let’s just call it a night…..
He looks even more sad when I put the chips all over him…..kind of like an eccentric Uncle that is like ‘Why Me?’
There is a tiny Salad on the side of the plate that is young is showing interest in Sam…..maybe by tomorrow he will be happy but in the morning, I will probably eat Sam, and thus break Salad’s heart….and then will have to ask other salad’s from now on what kind of romantic soul I destroyed.
See Most people over look these conversations….b/c they have had enough sleep and this is ridiculous, OH but NOT me…..
You can count on me to be stupid, and/ or ridiculous at ANY time…….