Archive for May, 2011

Ok….first I was SOBER…let’s just get that straight right off. All I was trying to do was be a good dish fairy and put the dishes away….including a wine glass that had a stem.
I am AWFUL with wine glasses, and OBVIOUSLY, I do not have to be drinking from one, or drunk, for that rule to apply. Wine glasses and I are not besties. Wine glasses without stems and I have a much better relationship, but they can’t be too delicate and fancy b/c I am like Lenny from the book/movie Of Mice and Men except I’m not mentally retarded or unusually large, or disfigured.
So back to the massive glass clean up—–
Yeah putting away my nemesis… a STEMMED wine glass…..it slips from my fingers and literally shatters like I have never seen a glass shatter EVER before….and the distance on this shatter…..JEeeezUss. *sigh*
I am Uber pissed b/c I JUST woke up and had my jammies on & was reheating left overs and merely putting the dishes away while the reheating took place.
I didn’t even know where to begin…….but there were throw rugs involved and dogs live here, so I knew there would be me going outside to shake out the glass— FRONT YARD, not back where the dogs are. So I had to put clothes on……
Then I had to find a broom…..this is not my house and took a phone call to my friend in order to find broom, which by the way has NO DUST PAN. Seriously?? How do you have a broom with no dustpan?? I was told to use the Shark, but to take the bristle roller part out first. Ok…but I still had to sweep the destruction into a pile, and I think the pile of glass was bigger than the actual glass…..obviously just trying to be an asshole. I had no idea how to take the stupid bristle roller out of the Shark and was trying several different make shift dust pans. ALL failures. This resulted in ANOTHER call to my friend in order to learn how to take the roller part out (which turns out is pretty easy). Ok……so I vacuumed up ‘The Pile’ then set the Shark on the counter on which it decided to spit up some of the glass. AWESOME……so I now had to Shark vacuum the counter….or I could have just brushed the glass into the trash from edge of counter, but I wanted to make the Shark eat it’s vomit.
After dumping out the Shark’s vomit into the trash can I used it to go around ALL the edges of the kitchen. *sigh*
Also, did I mention when I was carefully trying to take the throw rugs to the front yard to shake out glass I inevitably spilled glass thru the living room. YEAH.
Anyway……I got the stupid REAL vacuum cleaner out and put it on ‘bare floor’ mode and had to vacuum the kitchen and found MORE glass as I was doing that– REALLY? It was like if you get gremlins wet and they start popping more gremlins all over the place, plus I had to move EVERYTHING….kitchen table….chairs, bar stools……
K….so now the kitchen is a SAFE PLACE……and I had to get the shark back out but WITH the bristle roller thing to vacuum the throw rugs.
All the time the microwave is beeping every so often….reminding me my food is getting cold. Yeah, I already know….Can’t you see I’m busy.
Alright…..throw rugs all vacuumed and looking better than before so that makes me happy…..but I still have to vacuum the entire living room, now.
Who breaks a wine glass in THE KITCHEN and ends up having to vacuum the living room? ME…..of course.
Gaaaahhh……ok……so I vacuum the living room and see tiny glistening pieces of glass basically laughing at me….but that crunching sound the vacuum makes when it is ACTUALLY sucking up those asshole pieces of glass was very gratifying. Love that sound…..
Also….I should never have kids because massive clean up efforts I find SUPER irritating.

What I hate about Sims

Posted: May 8, 2011 in Internet, Sims

First….I LOVE the Sims….but there are issues that I HATE.
1) as if I do not have enough things to keep me procrastinating…The Sims is a HUGE time suckage. It is NOT easy to create the PERFECT Sim….and build a house….buy them fancy stuff……make hot neighbors for them to hook up with and eventually raise a Sim family.
I know plenty of cheats….I mean they are right there on The Internets….if you google….which apparently a lot of people don’t google as much as I do. The reason I know this is because people ask questions on Twitter all the time and I answer their questions by Googling….and they thank me, like I actually knew that. I Google EVERYTHING…..In fact I hope my Google history dies when I do, b/c yeah….some of it is just NOT stuff I want other people to know I Google.
Ok…back to the Sims. Even though I know cheats, one of the best being how to make them gazillionaires and buy them nice things….
Well….by the time I freaking get everything in place and their house arranged to their liking (taking cues from their either jumping up and down and clapping OR stomping their feet and shaking their head with exclamation marks emitting from them) they grow old before I can achieve most of their goals.
Do you know how freaking long it takes them to read a book?? FOREVER…… Do you know how long they have to work out before actually getting a point for that?? FOREVER and then they are tired and need a nap. If they have a job they are gone too much and can’t take care of having parties and meeting friends, or going to the spa.
Sleeping takes too long, too…..and then they tire easily.
I am sure I should brush up on some of those cheats, but seriously…..can they go a week without getting gray hair and being a Senior?
I guess even fake people you create just grow up too fast…..but in NOT real life, can we eliminate that, already.