Archive for July, 2010

Whole Foods Orientation

Posted: July 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

Ok…so I am COPYING THIS blog…..b/c it is FUCKING FUNNY AS HELL…..but credit goes to my friend, Phoebe— VERY CLEAR…not taking credit

Ok. So i started my new career at Whole Foods today. Say what you will, I know my hippie hunting license is probably going to get revoked etc. I had some fun breaking down my first day and thought i would share with you all. Cheers.


7:45 – 8:15 waiting for everyone else to show up. (hippies can’t be bothered with promptness, man)

8:15 – 11:30 touring the store (viewing hippies in their natural habitat, sizing up the snackage)

11:30 – 12:45 natural, organic lunch of up to 10 dollar value supplied by flagship (you are what you eat)

12:45 – 2:00 lessons about natural/organic foods, corporate welcome film, mission statements, safety standards etc. (hippie propaganda, brownie recipies, down with the man movies, can’t keep a good hippie down essays, what to do if your dreads get caught in a mixer etc.)

2:00 – 4:00 benefit package overview (secret handshakes, how to use patchouli instead of soap, how body odor can work for you workshop, ultimate frisbee team sign ups, advanced hacky sack class schedule)

4:00 – 4:45 standing around watching the trainer hippie try to work a xerox machine (killing trees)

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